I am a conduit for dark energy. Let's just start there.
I have an imbalanced equilibrium th an oddly magnetic dark nature -- one that intentionally (and gleefully) creates and destroys the narrative of my own world (read: a pompous purveyor of my own biased ideas).
This is who I am ... and it's taken me a long time to accept that.
Before I was born and my spirit met my physical body, I chose a life path rooted in ego-based desires. I believe that my soul has been a restless one for many generations, trying to learn the lesson from the discord I sowed into the world many moons ago (and honestly, in this life as well).
This is coupled with an insatiable appetite for control, sustainability and power over my environment (and my perceived "lessers"). I easily created a narrative of my life where I became a caricature of myself, which became more bearable than facing my ACTUAL self (hello social media).
And then one day, I just had to know: why?
Why was I created with such a complex nature? The answer was disheartening, but sobering: Because it's WHO I AM. In fact, I'd argue it's who we all are.
I represent the duality of God's flawed creations. I learned early in childhood that I am Dark Matter -- designed to fill the voids of the world through my creations, but often creating voids in my world through my own self-destruction. Many of us (read: me) have this nature, but just lean more heavily one way or the other. I know I've leaned heavier on my darker, lower self -- mostly as a defense mechanism against the cold world. Cliche, but I'm honest. And yet, my heart bleeds for this cold world.
I see visions of the world in my dreams that would terrify the toughest man, and I pray for my people as much as I can. I sense how far we are from God and I cry out for his mercy, burdened by the inevitable darkness creeping its way into the world -- as it often has within me.
But when I become intentional about aspiring to my higher self, I also feel love and light and peace and understanding. I inspire and manifest creativity. I enlighten and empower. I teach and I learn. I give and I grow.
I kept searching for meaning, purpose and power from external stimuli. But then on my last trip to Willemstad, Curaçao, I received an important revelation: I AM power. And not just me, either. YOU are power. We are a manifestation of God's power, magnanimity and, you guessed it, his dual nature.
The wisdom that comes in believing and accepting what you are is so freeing. Ironically, it gave me the space to reenvision and revamp who I am -- and to use my Dark Matter to fill the void without being filled by the void.
Perhaps this why I travel. Traveling has allowed for powerful experiences like these because they force me to pause, think, feel and gather myself. It allows me to be vulnerable in a land that's foreign and yet familiar. It recharges my soul and inspires me.
... and thankfully, it's helped me see the fullness of God -- and that's no dark matter at all.
Danielle N. Coley is a Marketing Consultant and Screenwriter hailing from Atlanta, GA by way of Norfolk, VA. She and her son (and resident travel partner) have traveled to The Bahamas, Uganda, Africa and Willemstad, Curaçao, among many other states in the U.S.